Trivia and other Trivial Type Stuff...

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A True Bears Fan....

A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Bear's game. As he sits down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him. "No" he says, "the seat is empty."

"This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Superbowl, the biggest sporting event in the world, with the Chicago Bears playing and not use it?"

He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Bears game we haven't been to together since we got married in 1967."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else -- a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"

The man shakes his head. "No, they're all at the funeral."

Go Bears!!!!!!!

Here's the news from the year 2035:

1. Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, California.

2. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as California's third language.

3. Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

4. Baby conceived naturally... Scientists stumped.

5. Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

6. Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria, and Lebanon). Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

7. France pleads for global help after being overtaken by Jamaica.

8. Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

9. George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

10. Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesday only.

11. 35 year study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.

12. Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lb..

13. Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

14. Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

15. Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

16. New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters, and rolled up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

17. Congress authorizes direct deposit of illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

18. Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.

19. IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75%.

20. Florida Democrats still don't know how to use the voting Machines.

Here's some email jokes:

The Way Children See Things!
THIS IS WHY WE LOVE THEM SO

NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a Woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!

HONESTY
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'Cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.

OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his Teacher a note from his Mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by my son are not necessarily those of his Parents."

KETCHUP
A Woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the! phone to talk to you right now. ! She's hitting the bottle."

MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the Women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. The various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchair's, unfailingly intrigued her. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered "The Tooth Fairy will never believe this!"

DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her Parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."

SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her Mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"

Here's some trivia sent to me in an e-mail:

Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

In the 1400's a law was set forth that a man was not allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb"

The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.

Men can read smaller print than women can, women can hear better.

Coca-Cola was originally green.

It is impossible to lick your elbow.

The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska

The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...)

The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%

The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400

The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000

Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.

The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:

Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs -Alexander, the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.

Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A. Their birthplace

Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
A. Obsession

Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?
A. One thousand

Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
A. All invented by women.

Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey

Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?
A. Father's Day

In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... "goodnight, sleep tight."

It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month . which we know today as the honeymoon.

In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down." It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"

Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.

~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~~~~~~

At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow !

Here's some food trivia, Posted Mar. 30th

Common household products have alternate uses, Posted Mar. 28th

This has got to be one of the cleverest
E-mails I've received in awhile.
Someone out there either has too much
spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.
(Wait till you see the last one)!

DORMITORY:
> When you rearrange the letters:
> DIRTY ROOM
>

> PRESBYTERIAN:
> When you rearrange the letters:
> BEST IN PRAYER
>

> ASTRONOMER:
> When you rearrange the letters:
> MOON STARER
>

> DESPERATION:
> When you rearrange the letters:
> A ROPE ENDS IT
>

> THE EYES:
> When you rearrange the letters:
> THEY SEE
>

> GEORGE BUSH:
> When you rearrange the letters:
> HE BUGS GORE
>

> THE MORSE CODE:
> When you rearrange the letters:
> HERE COME DOTS
>

> SLOT MACHINES:
> When you rearrange the letters:
> CASH LOST IN ME
>

> ANIMOSITY:
> When you rearrange the letters:
> IS NO AMITY
>

> ELECTION RESULTS:
> When you rearrange the letters:
> LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
>

> SNOOZE ALARMS:
> When you rearrange the letters:
> ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S
>

> A DECIMAL POINT:
> When you rearrange the letters:
> IM A DOT IN PLACE
>

> THE EARTHQUAKES:
> When you rearrange the letters:
> THAT QUEER SHAKE
>

> ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
> When you rearrange the letters:
> TWELVE PLUS ONE
> >

> AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
>

> MOTHER-IN-LAW:
> When you rearrange the letters:
> WOMAN HITLER
>

> Yep! Someone with waaaaaaaaaaay
> too much time on their hands! (Probably a son-in-law)

Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtsy, it deosn't mttaer waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny imprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe!

Did you know that kittens in the same litter can have different fathers!

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain

Did you know it is illegal to have more than 2 pets in Richton Park? That's right! Two cats, or two dogs or one cat and one dog, but no more than that. I don't know what would happen if you were caught with an aquarium? Just kidding (about the aquarium, that is).

The Whole Nine Yards
Where did this saying come from? Its orginates from World War II. Our fighter pilots in the Pacific had machine guns that took belts of bullets that measured 27 feet, or 9 yards. When they went out and had a particularly productive day fighting the Japenese and came back empty, the pilots said "I gave'em the whole nine yards!"

What's the most popular name in the world?
Mohammed

A foot long
An English king (I forget which one) had his foot measured from heal to toe and that beacame the measurement of a foot. Does anyone know why America got stuck with that measurement while England is now on the metric system?

BRAIN CRAMPS

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest. (On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
--Mariah Carey

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"
--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president." (we are????)
--Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"
--A congressional candidate in Texas.

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
--Al Gore, Vice President (DUH !) and he wanted to be President!!!!!!!!!

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." does he know where he almost grew up???.....
--Dan Quayle

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" (I say all we can get, I'll take his clean air)
--Lee Iacocca

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." -
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst (and Notre Dame grad).

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." (Oh, well that's different, I think)??????
--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." (really???????)
--Bill Clinton, President

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
--Al Gore, VP (damn he's smart)

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman